Friday, October 26, 2012

Kicking leaves down the hill.
Kicking leave up the hill when he scoots in front of me.
I try not to begrudge my aching arms when I scoop him up. He absently pats my arm and I imagine he means "good job, mom".
He sighs and rests his head on my shoulder. He smells like the shampoo I used for his bath last night. It's not baby-down anymore, it's little-boy hair.
It's still hard not to worry all of the time. I guess it never goes away, the roar just gets louder and softer sometimes.

Last night I think he really understood that there was a person behind my eyes for the first time.
I scooped him out of the bath and he did his usual, wiggly, giggly dances. When I finished pulling his pajamas over his head he laughed and looked at me. And then he stopped. He stared, pressed his chubby-little hands into my cheeks and pulled my face towards him. His little brow furrowed as I watched him examining the strange windows. "Hello", I said. He tentatively extended a finger and tried to gently poke it in my right eye. I laughed, he laughed, and we went back to business as usual.

But since then, a couple of times today, he'll do the same thing. We'll be playing with his numbers or reading a book when he'll stop, get a quizzical expression, and carefully examine every part of my face.
He's trying to figure it all out.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

I would like more dancing to happen.

I've been listening to some new albums and I feel like one song in particular has crawled into my bones. I wish I had more time to practice. This writing program has completely taken over my life, which I love and has been so great, but I still ache for other things.

Ah, well. Short term pain, long term gain and all that.

While we're on the subject, my instructor wrote me a couple of days ago to say that she was "so impressed" with one of my editing projects that she wanted my permission to teach with it. And she gave me 100%. Her email came after a long day of grinding away at my practicum work, so it was just what I needed. It's nice to have some validation on things you pour your heart, sweat, and tears into.

Just over two months left in this program and then I'm thrown back into the big wide world. Here's hoping the job prospects are better than when I graduated with my BA.